


Jayfeather's Grief

by AcuteAlpaca



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Book Series: The Broken Code, RiverClan (Warriors), ShadowClan (Warriors), The Broken Code: Book 1: Lost Stars, The Broken Code: Book 2: The Silent Thaw, The Broken Code: Book 3: Veil of Shadows, ThunderClan (Warriors)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27813325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AcuteAlpaca/pseuds/AcuteAlpaca
Summary: SPOILERS FOR THE BROKEN CODE:Jayfeather has been more grumpy than usual lately and most clan cats have noticed. After Leafpool's death, Jayfeather coped by visiting her in his dreams, but now that StarClan is missing Jayfeather can no longer connect with the StarClan cats he had bonded with so much during his time as a ThunderClan medicine cat. Mothwing discovers him, clearly upset, sitting by the lake and stops to offer him some words of support and advice.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Jayfeather's Grief

A gray and silver tabby tom sat staring out at the lake as the moon glittered on each small ripple in the water. It was a calm night, the wind was low and the sky was clear. This sort of calmness hadn't seemed to of fallen over the clans in quite some time, and it was much needed. The tom's blue eyes seemed woefully sad as they glittered in the light. 

Sitting and watching him from a distance was a large, beautiful golden she-cat. It was Mothwing. Ever since she had moved to ShadowClan in protest of Mistystar's exile of her clanmates she had never felt more alone. Before moving there, Mothwing had expected to feel a sense of belonging since she had some family members in ShadowClan, but Tigerstar was too busy with his tasks and Tawnypelt didn't seem too interested in a sisterly relationship with her. Mothwing had the opportunity to work with Shadowsight, who was Tawnypelt's kin, but the young tom made her very uncomfortable; he reminded her too much of Hawkfrost, her brother who faked a message in order for her to become a medicine cat many moons ago. Shadowsight had similarly faked a message and was being given preferential treatment by his father.  
Mothwing came down to the lake when she was lonely, which was frequent, because it reminded her of her home in RiverClan. Normally, she was alone, but tonight she had ran into her late best friend's son, Jayfeather. 

The sadness in Jayfeather's eyes tugged at Mothwing's heart, almost begging her to check in on him. With disdain, she remembered how the ThunderClan medicine cat had outed her lack of belief in StarClan to an entire gathering. Mothwing shook her head, she would not be a good medicine cat if she ignored a cat in need, even if the cat was someone she was upset with. 

She began to pad towards him. Jayfeather pircked his ears up and turned toward the sound of her steps, he lifted his nose to smell who it was but Mothwing was downwind of him. Frustrated, he furrowed his brow, "Who is it? Can't you tell when a cat wants to be left alone?"  
"It's Mothwing, I-"  
"Leave me alone." Jayfeather interrupted.  
Mothwing continued walking towards him, "You look upset, Jayfeather..." she began, "What's wro-"  
Jayfeather burst out "I said leave me alone!" His fur stood on end, as defensiveness and hurt continued to show in his eyes, "You could never understand this pain! Never!" the silver tom stood and began to sulk away.  
Mothwing persisted, "I don't have to understand in order to listen!" She padded after him.  
Jayfeather spun around with his fur bristling defensively, "No medicine cat can fix this! Especially not you!"  
His words stung Mothwing, but she knew they must be coming from a place of pain. Jayfeather's head lifted upwards, Mothwing followed his gaze towards the stars. Realization set in for Mothwing, "Is this about StarClan?"  
Jayfeather let out a sigh that confirmed the answer for Mothwing.  
Mothwing padded forward towards the ThunderClan medicine cat, "I suppose you're right, I can't fix it," she willed him not to lash out again, "but I can listen. It's obviously not just StarClan being missing that's bothering you."  
Jayfeather lowered his head and groaned, "What are we supposed to do?" He raised his head and met Mothwing's eyes, "I'm never going to see anyone I love ever again." At that, moisture began to well up in his eyes. This was an expression Mothwing had never seen on this emotionally hardened tom, their aquaintenship was never close.  
Mothwing sat down and thought for a moment, "Y'know, that's how I've lived my entire life," she began, "I always just accepted death for what it was: it's the end of life. When the cats close to me died, I thought I was never going to see them again."  
Jayfeather met Mothwing's eyes, he didn't interrupt her. For once, the gray tom was finally listening to her. Mothwing smiled, "And that was ok, because I enjoyed the time I had with them while they were alive and I still had other cats who were alive that loved me."  
Jayfeather looked at her with sorrow, "And that's the reality you want me to get used to?" Jayfeather stood and padded down to the shore, dipping his toes in the water. He stared into the water as if he was begging it to send him a prophecy, but when no prophecy seemed to come Jayfeather seemed exasperated, "I'm never going to see Leafpool again, am I?" 

The words hit Mothwing like a rush of water through the river, Leafpool was her best friend and Mothwing herself knew all too well what the pain of losing her mother and her mentor felt like, but she couldn't imagine losing them both at the same time. Mothwing padded forward and sat beside Jayfeather. She lowered her head and spoke solemnly, "Probably not..." now that Mothwing was aware StarClan was real, part of her hoped she would see her friend again, but she was also prepared for StarClan to turn her away due to her lack of faith. While it could never hurt as much as Jayfeather was hurting, the realization she may never be able to see the beautiful ThunderClan medicine cat again felt heavy. Leafpool was the best cat in all of the clans, Mothwing had cared for her deeply.  
Jayfeather seemed to sink even lower, "I'm not going to see Briarlight, or Hollyleaf, or Bramblestar again."  
Mothwing turned to him and sighed, "No, you probably won't," she smiled and touched her tail to Jayfeather's back, "But if you spend all your energy thinking about the cats you cared about in your past, you're going to miss out on the ones you care about in the present. Alderheart needs his mentor, and Lionblaze needs his brother at his side now that he is deputy."  
Jayfeather pushed the sorrow away for a moment and smirked, "Acting deputy" he corrected. Jayfeather sighed and raised his head to the stars once again, "My whole life I've been connected to StarClan, I heard from them all the time. For me, they were a part of my every day. Cats from my past never left me, they just left the waking world." His ice blue eyes glittered with the stars in them, and for a moment Mothwing questioned if he could still speak with StarClan, but the second passed and his eyes seemed to darken with the same sadness as before, "It's like everyone I love has just died all at once."  
Mothwing looked up at the stars, she had never seen the lights in the sky as her ancestors but as she gazed over the countless stars she began to empathize with Jayfeather. There were so many stars, and to him each one represented someone he loved or a clanmate who was long gone. When StarClan disappeared and he lost connection with them it was as if every single one of those cats died, including the ones he cared deeply about. Mothwing turned to look at Jayfeather, "That must be the most lonely and painful feeling in the world."  
Jayfeather clenched his teeth, trying to hold back his emotions. He took a few breaths before sighing and leaning over into Mothwing's side. He pushed into her, just taking a few deep breaths. Mothwing felt slightly uncomfortable, Jayfeather wasn't a cat she liked very much and she certainly didn't like him touching her, but she allowed it knowing that this was the only medicine she could give him for his pain at the moment. Jayfeather seemed to catch his breath suddenly and shake his head. He sat back up straight and his face returned to the same grumpy expression he normally had. He lowered his head and closed his eyes, "You're right," he said and met Mothwing's eyes after, "About having to come to terms with not seeing them, and taking care of the cats who are alive." 

Mothwing smiled at Jayfeather, his changed attitude warmed her heart, "I loved your mother, Jayfeather." Mothwing felt good finally admitting her feelings to another cat, but the words also caught her throat with grief knowing that she would never be able to tell Leafpool how she felt. Mothwing looked into Jayfeather's eyes, he had the same resilience in them that Leafpool had. Mothwing reached her paw out to touch his, "She'd be proud of you."  
Jayfeather stood up, "I'll keep making her proud too, if she can see me, I wouldn't expect any less of myself." he turned his head back towards ThunderClan territory, "I should get back. Squirrelflight has been pretty stressed and I should be back there helping her." Mothwing watched him walk away for a moment before he stopped, "Thank you... Mothwing," he cast his gaze over his shoulder, "I think my mother loved you too."  
Mothwing felt warm as she watched Jayfeather disappear into the bushes. She pictured Leafpool in her head and gazed up to the stars once more. Maybe one day StarClan would come back, but even if they didn't come back Mothwing felt lucky for having loved the cats she did in life, and especially lucky for having loved Leafpool.


End file.
